We did it, friends. We actually did it. We defied the odds and accomplished what everyone thought was impossible. But we never quit, we never wavered, because we knew our fearless leader would never quit on us either. Because we knew the fate of our country was at stake. 

And now, in a quake that shocked the world and left the Trigglypuffs in tears, Donald J. Trump has become the 45th President-elect of the United States. 


I had multiple heart attacks the entire night. I’m pretty sure that it took at least two years off of my lifespan. Prospects seemed pretty gloomy at the beginning of the night. Trump and Hillary were both winning states that they were supposed to win, but in most of the swing states Trump was losing. Florida was a neck-and-neck emotional roller coaster, while Ohio, North Carolina, New Hampshire, and especially Pennsylvania seemed like lost causes. He was even losing South Carolina at one point. Only in Virginia was Trump leading by a decent margin. That little speck of hope kept me going. 

But soon, even that lead slimmed until they were nearly even. Everything else he was losing. At that point I cracked. I closed my laptop, went to a bedroom, shut the door, and on the verge of tears, I prayed. I prayed so hard, and I practically begged God to please save our country. 

Shortly thereafter, as more votes came in, Hillary’s leads in those battleground states started to slim (8:15-8:30 pm). Trump began to lead in Florida again, then in North Carolina, then in Ohio, then in New Hampshire. His leads in Ohio and NC just got bigger and bigger until we got our first bombshell. 

“Trump wins the state of North Carolina” (9:45 pm).

Then, one after another, he started winning swing states. He won Ohio. He won Florida. He won Utah, which many thought would be in play because of McMullin. He lost Colorado, New Mexico, and Virginia, but that’s okay. He started to lead in Iowa after losing by a sizable margin. And while all this was going on, Wisconsin and Michigan were in play — unheard of for a Republican candidate. Then we got Hillary’s death knell. 

“Donald Trump takes Wisconsin” (10:30 pm).

At this point I was screaming like crazy at the television. “HE BROKE THE BLUE WALL. HE BROKE THE BLUE WALL. HE BROKE IT AND WILL REPLACE IT WITH A SHINY GOLDEN WALL. AHHHHHHH!!!!” Various incomprehensible ramblings to that effect. 

Then he took Iowa (10:32 pm). Then Georgia, after the loonies assumed it’d be in play. He held onto his leads in New Hampshire and Michigan, but they remained tight. Then we got a miracle.

After Hillary maintained a lead the entire night, sometimes by 10 points or more, Trump actually started to lead in Pennsylvania (11:08 pm). 

At this point Trump was at 254. If he took Michigan or Pennysylvania, he wins. If he took New Hampshire, he’d eventually get Arizona and Alaska, and he still wins. What previously seemed impossible was now right at his fingertips.

Trump lost Nevada and Maine, but we’re still okay. At this point the Hillbots have written their obituaries, because their Queen was about to be dethroned.  She’s still only at 218. She had almost NOTHING that could get her to 270, even if she won Pennsylvania. 

For the next two hours, we’re left sitting on the edge of our seats as Fox refused to call anything. By midnight I’m the only one in my family left watching. But I HAD to know. I physically could not sleep until I knew with certainty that Mr. Trump won. We started this journey with Mr. Trump, and by golly we’re going to finish it. The grueling length and struggle of the election results were very symbolic of this entire campaign, were they not? We’ve been through a lot. Time to finish it. 

And stay up I did, even if I had to wake up at 6 AM. Who needs sleep anyway. 

At 1 AM, as Hillary was undoubtedly having a temper tantrum and deciding who will mysteriously disappear next, she selfishly sent her Wikileak-crony Podesta in her stead to speak to her adoring fans. He told them to go home and wait until morning, assuring them that they hadn’t thrown in the towel. 

Yet much to his chagrin, 40 minutes later, after a century of waiting for a call, we got the final nail in the witch’s coffin. 

At 1:40 AM, against all conceivable odds, Donald Trump took the state of Pennsylvania, putting him over the top at 274 electoral votes.  Donald J. Trump will be the 45th president of the United States. 

To this day, New Hampshire and Michigan have not been called, but Trump is projected to win Michigan while Hillary is projected to barely win New Hampshire. 

I cried through his victory speech. I stood there, square in front of the television, with my MAGA hat held reverently between my two hands, smiling the most relieved yet proud smile as I witnessed history before my eyes. You did it. You magnificent bastard, you actually did it. 

We did it.

Was I wrong? 

So was my prediction of a Reagan-like Trump landslide wrong? Well, yes and no. Trump did end up losing the popular vote. Currently he’s down by 600K. Naturally, the Dems have been whining about this too. But check out this map: 


Look at all that red. This is precisely why we have an electoral college. The president must be president of all the people, of all states. Hillary only won in the densely populated urban cesspools. The people wanted Donald Trump, and their voices were heard.

But did he truly lose the popular vote? Honesty, I don’t think so. I have a very hard time believing so many people would vote for such a scumbag, especially after the Project Veritas video on mass voter fraud. Get this, in 12 of 15 of the states without voter ID requirements, Trump lost. 

Lord knows how many poor people and illegals the DNC bussed in in a last-ditch desperate attempt to keep their Queen in power. Certainly well over 600K. But you never know, it could have been 5-10 million. 

As far as I’m concerned, unless you can convince me otherwise, Trump did win by a landslide. They tried to cheat, tried to steal it in any way they could, tried to bias the media in their Queen’s favor, but in the end it was not enough. Trump’s juggernaut was too strong. And God is always sovereign. He has spoken, just as the people have spoken. 

Happy Independence Day, my fellow deplorable patriots. Just as 9/11 was remembered as the day outside powers tried to take this country down, 11/9 will be remembered as the day the Americans within took it back. God bless you all, God bless President Trump, and God bless the United States of America.

Categories: Politics